funny

Syntax Error

One of my friends sent me this. Not sure where they got it from, or if they took it themselves.

By |March 8th, 2011|0 Comments

They blowed it up!

You know your development team has memory leaks when you get this, and even after repeated attempts to make them fix the problem, they just keep ignoring you.

Therefor, I hope they lost data when the machine had to under go a reboot.

Cannot fork!

By |May 7th, 2010|0 Comments

49 Things Girls Want Guys to Know

(Pulled from old site)
I got this in an email, yeah, one of those chain letters… I read it and just had to add my feelings to this. Remember these are mostly humorous responses and if you really take everything here that was in the original email or my responses seriously then you should take a look at your life and think about things.

— 49 Things Girls want Guys to Know —

1) You have to tell a girl how you feel about her…we make no assumptions.
1A) And after we tell you, shut the fuck up about it, we don’t like answering the same question 50 times.

2) It never hurts to work out… Take your own advice.
2A) Same to you, if you start, I will to.

3) Girls like sex just as much, if not more than guys.
3A) Yeah, we know.

4) Not all girls masturbate…we just don’t and no we are not lying.
4A) Same as 3A, We know you do, stop trying to act like your all mighty and never talk about it.

5) We hate porn.
5A) Tell that to the millions of women that buy it. Also, porn has been known to save marriages.

6) Hmmmm…guys in Jeeps…yummmm…
6A) Please, look at your numbers 28 and 44. Don’t tell us to not look, when your doing it.

7) Girls need food, water, and compliments to survive.
7A) Some girls need to get a clue on life, get a job, and stop asking for money. It’s alright to ask us to buy you something cute, but don’t do it every chance you get.

8) We think about you all the time.
8A) As do we, some guys don’t like being called 8 times in an 8 hour work period. We are trying to get money for house payments and such, and to get you stuff as in number 7A.

9) Being able to make us laugh is so much more important than how much you can bench-press.
9A) Good, so take a joke and stop getting pissed off if you think a joke was crude.

10) We may think you are gay if you wear tighty-whities on a regular basis.
10A) Does it really matter what some guys wear? Deal with it geez.

11) Hold our hand.
11A) We do but some of us are not assholes and like to block hallways and such ‘holding hands’.

12) No backseat drivers…NONE.
12A) Then drive, and drive correctly. Keep your eyes on the road. Don’t get me started on people driving. There might be some truth when people joke about women drivers.

13) Girls generally don’t like giving head, so you better be ready to reciprocate if and when you get it.
13A) We would be happy to reciprocate, as long as you wash what you have!

14) We are not your all-night restaurant.
14A) Against the guys too, get up, get your late night snack and fix it yourself. I’m not your personal waiter. You have legs too!

15) Anything we say or do during that 4 days to a week each month cannot be held against us. [for all the guys who are saying huh? it means PERIOD]
15A) Alright, then when I have a headache, sick, and all that combined, Don’t ask me to do yard work! Also, we still go to work when we are sick. Get used to it. We have to have money for bills!

16) If you hold our hand while you are driving we will be thoroughly impressed…especially if it’s a stick.
16A) Against guys and girls, Stop ‘holding hands’ while driving, you may think you can respond fast enough to a quick decision, but you cannot!

17) Under no circumstances will we have a threesome.
17A) Obviously you have not been reading the correct material, if this is your thing, then enjoy it. Don’t say all girls don’t like it, or it would not exist.

18) You look hot in hooded articles of clothing.
18A) Really, let me dress thug all day then.

19) If you think for any reason that we don’t like you then we probably don’t.
19A) Good.

20) Having us over while you and your friends play video games does not count as “quality time”.
20A) Then bring some of your friends over and play video games too. We don’t give up doing what we like when we met you.

21) Just because we groom ourselves on a regular basis does not mean we’re high maintenance.
21A) Yeah, alright. It does not take an hour to shower, and brush your teeth, and to take a shit.

22) Never comment on how much a girl eats…ever.
22A) Then don’t comment on how much I eat.

23) Keep in mind that we withhold sex when we’re mad at you, so you might wanna get around to apologizing…
23A) Do you really think sex (or the lack of by withholding it) is going to fix something? You need to have a talk about it. Oh wait, don’t get pissy and walk away when we need to talk.

24) You just can’t force us to like sports..
24A) Some women like sports, and many play sports.

25) We’re typically smarter than you…so get over it and stop whining when we get better grades than you.
25A) Already insulting male intelligence. Typical.

26) If you do not own a wife-beater, stop reading this list, and go invest in one…right now.
26A) Guys don’t buy clothing just because you like it, we buy it on sale, and what feels good.

27) The ability to play the guitar will help you get laid.
27A) Uh, alright. So building a rocket, going to the moon, creating vaccines, and performing surgery are any different?

28) We’re sorry, Brad Pitt just IS hot…get over it!!!
28A) So you can look at guys, but we can’t look at other women, or it’s cheating. Seems kind of hypocritical.

29) Walks in the rain, kisses on the forehead, and cooking dinner for us will get you everywhere.
29A) Some of us cook more then our girlfriends and wives. Walk in the rain, yes! Lets both get sick, then you can complain I’m not taking care of you when your sick and I go to work.

30) Just because we’re in a serious relationship doesn’t mean we plan to marry you someday, so stop being so damn scared!!!
30A) Then stop asking if I’m going to marry you over, and over, and over, and over, and over X 8 times a day over the phone.

31) If you’re developing such good finger skills playing video games, you better put them to good use sometimes.
31A) Why don’t you join us playing video games, instead of insulting us. Oh but if your angry over this you are probably withholding sex… See 23A.

32) Anything you do or say to another girl that you wouldn’t want us to know about is considered cheating.
32A) Yeah, have a girl friend, and talk to a female at your work place. Cheating. Talk about jumping to conclusions.

33) If we can admit that we’re wrong, you’d better be able to do the same.
33A) Most of us do, but since you keep throwing it back in our faces, we won’t do it anymore.

34) The excuse “I can’t dance” is unacceptable…we’ll appreciate the simple fact that you’re trying.
34A) Then don’t drag us into public areas and suddenly ask to dance. Talk to your partner first, and try dancing together in private.

35) On that note, if you refuse to dance, expect us to dance with other guys…and lots of them.
35A) Odd, we’re you not the one who wrote 32.

36) Think before you speak…it’ll make a world of difference.
36A) Same to you. Back to 33A.

37) Not all girls kiss on the first date, get over it…we’re creatures of mystery.
37A) Not all guys will kiss you on the first date (or even want to), don’t get pissy and think we hate you or did not enjoy the night.

38) Make fun of our clothes…prepare to die.
38A) Please, when we tell you that something does not look good on you. Don’t get pissy. “Oh you hate me, blah, blah blah.” Just laugh and try something else.

39) We don’t always expect you to pay for us, but it doesn’t hurt to at least offer everyone once in a while.
39A) Number 7A.

40) Tell us we’re beautiful.
40A) And when we do, don’t get pissy that some other girl in a crowd has something on you consider ‘slutty’ and start rumors and hating on somebody you probably don’t even know.

41) The “little things” in a relationship are really the biggest.
41A) I wish you were right, but somehow, the little things never back you up when she is pissed off.

42) Foreplay isn’t something we should have to ask for…it’s a prerequisite.
42A) Really? Remember number 5. Most couples consider that foreplay.

43) Don’t screw us over…especially if we have an older brother or protective guy friends…they will hunt you down and kill you.
43A) Again, over reacting. Get a grip on life, you went with a guy that looked ‘better’ then the other guy, and got fucked over. Big deal. Try harder next time.

44) If you’re gonna look at other girls, at least make sure we don’t see you do it.
44A) Okay, then don’t do number 6 or 28.

45) No girl just wants to be your “friend with benefits”.
45A) Actually there are quite a few, couples do it, they are called Swingers.

46) We’re sensitive too…be gentle (and we’re not talking about our hearts here guys).
46A) Yeah, so when we make a joke, laugh and don’t take it seriously.

47) One word when it comes to smoking…quit.
47A) Same to you, it’s disgusting.

48) We reserve the right to hate all of your ex-girlfriends.
48A) Over reacting females. You know some relationships don’t always end in fighting. Maybe yours have?

49) If we happen to trip, fall, etc, while wearing the exceptionally high shoes that we love, go ahead and laugh…we will be…that is unless we hurt ourselves…
49A) We will laugh, and you will get pissy. We laugh because we told you those shoes were trouble.

By |November 11th, 2007|0 Comments